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May 08, 2007

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AndyNJ

Wow, this described my exact situation.

I met this girl who I am now in love with while I was dating another girl. I had been with the girl for 4.5 years and knew the relationship was going nowhere, but had no reason to end it either until I met this new girl. New girl and I became really great friends before I could end the relationship and once I ended it, I waited a few weeks and then spilled my beans. She met it with the whole "we work together and you just got out of a long relationship" bit. I thought that was that, but then she went on to ask me if I thought we could still be friends if we didn't really address it "right now." That gave me a little bit of hope that maybe she was just protecting herself.

Fast forward to two months after the breakup and I'm still in the friendzone or as you perfectly described, frouple. We hang out all the time, get along better than I have with anyone. I'm completely, 100% in love with this girl. It's the romantic companionship that I want, not the sex (well, I do want that, but it's not what I think about the most).

I've been chatting this whole situation up nonstop with friends and some coworkers. Really killing productivity both at my job and in the work I do in my personal time.

I can't figure out what to do. I've been reading friendzone related stuff on the internet all day today and thought I had formulated a good plan that was a hybrid of some ideas that I read about. My early ideas involved the drunken attempt. I tried this and everytime, just like you mentioned, we fell into the whole old habits thing and I got cold feet or decided that another time would be better. I tried the subtle hints thing, but that didn't seem to produce any results.

My new plan is to kind of politely blow her off for a couple weeks. Not be mean about it, but not initiate anything and be less available for hanging out. When she asks what I've been doing, I'm going to tell her that I've been going on a few dates with a girl (this will be made up). Then after a couple weeks of this, I'm going to ask her to go on a picnic with me and completely tell her how I feel. I will say everything I didn't get to the last time and make sure she knows she's not a rebound. If I don't get a definitive answer, I'm going to ask her straight up if I'm permanently friendzoned.

It's a risky plan, but I need to do something. I figure that this builds up the bit of the jealousy thing and makes me something she can't have (girls want what they can't have, right?) and then I hit them with the ballsy, honesty that some girls have told me they like.

And I can't believe I typed all of this in a comment on a blog I've never read before today.

:-)

Sarah

So I've been out with a guy that i'm crazy about: Several times in a group and once just the two of us. We had a really romantic evening walking all around campus (we are in college) and there were plenty of flirty moments. He didn't try to kiss me, but I think he is shy. He has never been in a real relationship. Since that night we have only talked casually when instigated by myself. I think i'm pretty much screwed. What should I do?

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