My Love/Hate Relationship With Cold Stone Creamery

I feel a sense of guilt as I cast a wistful glance at the sign.  A glance turns into an abrupt turn, and I find myself speeding up to the counter.  "Love it Godiva Chocolate with double Reese's peanut butter cup and whip cream please" I blurt out like an expert.  2 minutes later I am up on my couch with my eyes closed, savoring every delectable bite.  I finish and furrow my brow to try and prevent the guilt from rushing in.  It's not guilt over the calories, although that sucks also.  I hate Cold Stone Creamery because of a few incidents between us.

Incident #1

Summer 2006, the day of the annual Luge Party.  I pull into my condo building with a pre-carved luge in the trunk.  It dawns on me that the luge has already begun the melting process, and its 7 hours until the first shot will be delivered off its icy post-carved surface.  Cold Stone Creamery is located on the ground floor on my building, mere steps from the main entrance.  I walk in and see one of the co-owners of the store, who also lives in the building.  I exchange a quick pleasantry and then explain my plight-

Me - "Hi, I've seen you a few times in the elevator.  I live in Millennium Centre also, how's it going?"Cold Stone Creamery female owner - "Pretty good.  How can I help you?"Me - "I have an interesting scenario.  I'm throwing a party tonight on the pool deck.  I bought an ice luge for the party, but it is already starting to melt.  Can I store the luge in your cooler?"Her - "What's a luge?"

I explain what a luge is.  She replies "I'm sorry, its a health hazard to have a block of ice in our cooler."  What!  A cooler that is filled with ICE and ICE cream, and it will be unhealthy to have more ice in it?  I storm out furious and rush to the grocery store to buy ice to keep my ice luge iced.  I vow never again to go to Cold Stone.

Months pass and I smirk in defiant willpower as I pass Cold Stone Creamery each day.  No way in hell will I go in there.  Soon a year has passed, I have spent a fun day partying on the pool deck, someone mentions ice cream and I decide I have punished the place enough. 

Incident #2

We enter into Cold Stone Creamery.  I see the other co-owner, the husband of the "ice luge health hazard" excuse lady.  I place my order.  Damn it looks good on the cold stone while they are smashing in my mix-ins.  I see that while my coffee with heath bar mix-in looks good, why not splurge another 50 cents and get another heath bar tossed in.

Me - "Man, that heath looks good. Can you toss another one in there?"Cold Stone Creamery Male Owner - "Sure thing!  Put on as many as you want, its more money in my pocket!"

What an ass.  I am not implying I should get a free mix-in.  But this guy was in absolute glee over the thought of taking my additional 50 cents for a mix-in.  I walk out of there irritated that I would break my willpower and go back to that place.  Although my coffee with double heath bar mix-in almost caused me to black out from taste bud sensory overload.  I make a new vow.  Never again go to Cold Stone!

My Resolve Weakens

Of course, as time passes, things get tricky.  I keep passing Cold Stone 3-6 times a day.  My anger softens.  I tell why I refuse to go to Cold Stone, but my heart isn't in it.  Ironically, the day a true competitor appears 1/2 block away starts the crack in my resolve.

We go into Berry Chill Couture, a "hip" new ice cream or yogurt place of some kind.  I say this because when you walk in, all of the mix-ins are displayed as icons floating on a plasma above the cash register.  This is disorientating to say the least.  The place looks and feels a little claustrophobic.  Plus the ultra-picky fiancee is grumbling she doesn't like something about the place.  So we hastily leave.  However, I am now craving ice cream.  The options are discussed and we buy ice cream, hot fudge, whip cream, and mix-ins and make our sundae.  It tastes good, but it was a lot of work and time, and city people want satisfaction immediately and without effort.

The Inevitable Cave-In

A few days go by and I need ice cream.  I don't really even want it, but I envision the flavors in my mouth and that's it, I'm a goner, gotta have it.  The thought of waiting in line at Jewel to get ice cream sounds awful.  So now its down to what matters more, my vow of anti-Cold Stone vs. my laziness to fetch and make my own sundae.

I feel a slight sense of anxiety as I walk in, as though the ice cream clerk will shout "Look everybody, he's back at Cold Stone!"  But no one says a thing as I order the Godiva chocolate with Reese's peanut butter cup and whip cream.  As if repeating the past, I blurt out "add another Reese's".  The owners are nowhere in site, and the clerk rings up my order without incident.  And the ice cream is unbelievably good, I am literally exclaiming "Oh God" multiple times while I eat it.  I being to understand why females crave chocolate, and I feel my X (female) chromosome give silent thanks.  My ancient grudge against Cold Stone has been put to rest just in time for summer.

Comments

[Katie]

Hee! I know this dance well. Except in my version its not Coldstone but God forsaken Julius Meinl...