Is It OK for a Vegetarian to Eat Fruit?

Cutting edge fruit research has discovered that fruit spoils depending on how well it breathes. Our fruit is alive people! Ignoring the obvious oddity of people devoting their lives to fruit respiratory research, the news of fruit breathing has to put vegetarians and raw foodists in a moral quandary. The definition of something being alive could fill a thousand blogs. I think that something that breathes is alive in some respect. How can a vegetarian cope with breathing fruit?

I don’t believe in dwelling on the problem. I prefer to envision outcomes and solutions. Here is my advice to vegetarians on how to deal with killing these helpless breathing fruit.

1. Wait until the fruit has started to rot. This appears to be the safest process in which to insure that the fruit is dead before eating it. However, it will taste like shit and possibly cause intestinal distress.
2. Have a meat-eating friend suffocate the fruit first. I am not sure how this one would work, because I put my fruit in a plastic bag and tie it when I buy it at the grocery store and it seems to still be alive when it gets home. This option will involve further research or perhaps you can contact the fruit respiratory researchers to help.
3. Stroke the fruit and explain you appreciate its sacrifice before eating it. Perhaps your conscience will be put at ease if you tell your soon-to-be-sacrificed apple that you wish it the best in the next life as you rub off its dust. Of course, you can’t hear the apple scream back at you in protest.
4. Only eat the bruises on the fruit. Each morning could turn into a treasure hunt for edible fruit parts. Imagine a big barrel of fruit that you sort through looking for discolorations and bumps to scrape out with a knife. Don’t cheat and bang around the barrel causing fruit bruising if you’re hungry!

I was a “vegetarian” for about 4 years. I put the term in quotes because vegetarian has many interpretations within social circles and different parts of the globe. When I traveled in third world countries vegetarian meant no beef, but any other meat. I forsake anything on 4 legs and anything with feathers. This lasted until I moved to Chicago and kept catching the scent of Hackney Tavern burgers on my walk home from work each day. One day I said screw it, walked in and ordered a burger without breaking stride, and haven’t looked back since.

Until research can discover how to talk with breathing fruit, the decision will be morally ambiguous for vegetarians in regards to fruit eating. Please proceed with caution.

Comments

[markinchicago]

If everything is energy there is some form of life in everything, right? Besides, I think a lot of vegetarians are so for a variety of reasons; health, animal activism, don't know why they have incisors, etc.

I honestly don't feel that any vege's are going to be frazzled that fruit breathes.