A fantasy baseball auction has a lot in common with a first date that involves drinking. There is some awkward conversation at the start and nervous tension fills the air. A few comments that are kind of funny get over-laughed at. And a few people are over eager. Fortunately (unless you have a high school aged daughter) there is alcohol to smooth out the inhibitions. You start feeling good about things due to the alcohol-impaired judgment. But in the sober morning reality you realize your date/team was not as good as you thought. Let me explain further.
At the beginning of a first date, things don’t always flow smoothly. People are still in their own heads and unadjusted to the social interaction of a date. You size up the other person's appearance, facial expressions, tone of voice, its a nonstop judge-fest. At a fantasy baseball auction, owners are groggy from the night before, or dealing with wives or girlfriends that need care and explanation on why we all are off with our buddies drinking for 14 hours one day a year. All of us are older and haven't spent enough time doing our cheatsheets so we are kind of anxious. Not in a public speaking anxiety kind of way, more of a "I didn't do my homework and the teacher decided to collect it today" way. So both a date and a fantasy auction have the initial jitters.
As the date starts to unfold, a lot of small talk is usually made over drinks or dinner. A person might start speaking on a date and find themselves staring in shock and awe at the words that are coming out, thinking "why the hell am I saying that, I can't stand Hillary Clinton!" while their mouths are telling their date "I totally agree with you, its about time we had Hillary in 2008". This foot-in-mouth disease strikes fantasy baseball auctions equally fierce. Your mind will wail in agony as your mouth makes the words "I bid 20 on Barry Zito". Its almost as if there can be 3 different "yous" on a date/fantasy auction - Your mind, your mouth, and then the independent 3rd observer (drunken fantasy buddhism). The disconnect between mind-mouth-self is a universal occurrence, and it happens both on dates and at fantasy baseball auctions.
Sometime during a first date that involves a few beers or cocktails, the participants relax, jokes fly, and a bond is formed. Perhaps you notice that your date is more attractive than you initially thought. You may even entertain thoughts that "this could be the one". The same damn things happens with your fantasy baseball team! You are 8 beers deep before the sun goes down, you think everyone's one-liners are hilarious, and you LOVE how your draft is going. In fact, you think that you will probably win the title this year!
The morning after the first date reality sets in. She had an annoying laugh or said nothing intelligent for 3 hours. Or you wake up and realize you still have horrific garlic breath and probably spew noxious fumes all over her when you talked all night. You wince as you realize the date was probably not that great and you turn on your computer to check email and search for new candidates.
After a fantasy baseball auction, the next morning you wake up with bad breath from all of the nasty junk food and draft beer from the night before. You look at your team on paper and realize it is not nearly as good as you thought it was. And you get on the computer to look for new players to add to your team.
Forest Gump once said that life is like a box of chocolates. He could've also said fantasy baseball is like a booze-filled first date.